Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
