New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
