The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
