When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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