It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
