you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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