if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
