i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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