I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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