How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize