Screwed.edu
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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