he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
