Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
