she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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