Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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