It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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