the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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