Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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