so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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