if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
