we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
