That's intense
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
