i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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