i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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