were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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