Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
