I hate all girls vehemently.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
