The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
