it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
