Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
