At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
