Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
