Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You made out with two different species that night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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