I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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