my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
