Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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