did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
porn star boner night. come get it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
