He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
