is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
