I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
