shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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