Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
