get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
