i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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