Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
