A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
