Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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