We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
