yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
