Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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