then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
