Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
