my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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