"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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