its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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