is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
