There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
