I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
