OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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