Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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