That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
