I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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