nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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