You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
