So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
