he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
